Once upon a time in America, there was a tyrant. And Congress rejected him totally.

The tyrant, of course, was King George III, the target of the Declaration of Independence. We take it for granted now, but the declaration was an enormous political innovation — in it, the country that became the United States of America laid claim to certain “unalienable” rights, rights that took precedence over any king or crown.

To protect those rights, our founders declared that the People were allowed to “alter” or “abolish” the government — in this case, British rule over the American colonies. 

The point of the famous preamble to the Declaration — “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” — is that the government should exist to protect our rights, a radical proposition in an era when governments mostly existed on the basis that one guy was descended from another guy. Over time, the idea that “the People” have “unalienable rights” became so standard that it slipped into cliche, the stuff of car commercials. But this was not a throwaway line. These rights are repeated throughout the founding documents of the United States. Life and liberty aren’t just there for decoration — they are essential to the spec. They are the reason why the entire American system has been designed the way it has. 

The declaration pronounces these rights to be so important that it’s worth overthrowing a government over them. But one should not undertake revolution against a tyrannical government lightly, the declaration says, going on to provide a massive litany of complaints as justification. In modern times, the full list was considered to be the boring part of this document, lacking the vim and vigor of “we hold these truths to be self-evident” and other such bars from the preamble. But this year, it’s become a… bracing read. 

Listed among the reasons to boot the British monarch are: 

• “transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences”
• “obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither”
• “erect[ing] a multitude of New Offices, and sen[ding] hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people”
• keeping “among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures”
• attempting “to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power”
• “cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world”
• “depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury”
• “excit[ing] domestic insurrections amongst us”

“Transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences” really hits different now, huh? Donald Trump’s secret police have been kidnapping people, and in some cases, sending them to random countries they’re not even from, including to Centro de Confinamiento del Terrorismo (CECOT), a notorious prison in El Salvador. The abductees need not have done anything wrong; having tattoos or the word of a corrupt cop is enough. American citizens, including children, can also be seized and ejected, even by mistake — and the long-term Republican goal is to do this on purpose.

From the beginning, this has all been profoundly un-American, and it wasn’t surprising when the Trump administration ran into some legal problems. A district court judge issued an injunction against the Department of Homeland Security, requiring it to add a fairly basic form of due process to its deportation machine. Detainees set to be deported must be told where they are going, so they can have the chance to explain that being sent to that specific country may result in their torture or death. “This small modicum of process is mandated by the Constitution of the United States,” the judge wrote.

“Small” is too fucking right; giving someone the opportunity to pipe up before being shipped off to a place that might kill them is not exactly a radical affirmation of human rights. But this is where we are as a country: the right-wing justices of the Supreme Court stayed the injunction. So the DHS can now go right back to shipping people off to CECOT — or somewhere even worse — without telling them where they are going or hearing out why they should not go. 

The pause on the lower court’s injunction happened via what is known as “the shadow docket.” By temporarily blocking or declining to block a lower court’s order, SCOTUS makes a decision without officially making a decision, and can do so without bothering to explain its reasoning. 

Even though there is no written opinion for the ruling, there is a dissent from the three liberal justices. “The Government has made clear in word and deed that it feels itself unconstrained by law, free to deport anyone anywhere without notice or an opportunity to be heard,” wrote Justice Sonia Sotomayor. She concluded that the majority is “rewarding lawlessness.” When the lady is right, she’s right.

President Trump has always been explicit about his desire to seize as much power for himself as possible, and he’s now surrounded by people who share his urge for total control. Trump has told his followers they “won’t have to vote anymore” if he is elected. The Trump Organization’s official merch store sells a “Trump 2028” hat; the last time he lost an election, he incited an armed insurrection against Congress while it was certifying the results. After coming back into power, he ordered a dictator-chic military parade to celebrate his birthday. He took over the troops of the California National Guard — bypassing the California governor — to deploy them against Californians protesting his immigration raids. He has formally directed criminal investigations into people who opposed him. Most recently, he has casually threatened to arrest Zohran Mamdani, the Democratic nominee for New York mayor, over his pledge to fight back against ICE; his underlings have done one better and threatened to strip him of citizenship and deport him. 

Trump has mostly issued executive order after executive order to enact his agenda, because Congress doesn’t have the votes to pass such unpopular laws. He’s also used executive orders to defang the laws Congress has passed, like the TikTok ban, which has now led directly to Congress passing unpopular laws on the promise that Trump will simply override the provisions he doesn’t like. Congress is meant to be the most powerful part of the federal government, but the Republican Congress under Trump has receded into a group of weak-willed simpletons, content to sell out their constituents for little more than signed merch.

Not content with usurping congressional authority, Trump’s executive orders have barged straight into reinterpreting and rewriting the Constitution itself — for example, by purporting to end birthright citizenship, a cornerstone of the US as we know it.

Now, in theory, there is one last important check on a power-mad president, one whose contempt for the laws of the land knows no bounds. That check is the Supreme Court, a body of jurists who serve life terms, and who can strike down illegal actions at will. 

Last week, the court issued a ruling in a lawsuit over the birthright citizenship executive order. As it does so often these days, it made an enormously consequential decision without actually making a decision. While declining to actually consider whether or not Trump’s EO is unconstitutional, SCOTUS ruled that lower courts cannot issue a nationwide injunction against that order. But the de facto result is that citizenship is a privilege, and not secured by birth in the 28 states that haven’t sued to challenge one of Trump’s executive orders. 

It is an odd decision, not least because birthright citizenship is guaranteed by the 14th Amendment to the Constitution, the first sentence of which reads: “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.”

To be clear, SCOTUS didn’t override the 14th Amendment, it just pretended that it would be some kind of a horrible overreach to tell the executive branch that the 14th Amendment is real. 

This is alarming for a lot of reasons, but the 14th Amendment in particular — a Reconstruction Amendment enacted after the Civil War — is the cornerstone of modern-day constitutional law. 

Before the Civil War and Reconstruction, the Bill of Rights didn’t apply to state governments: New York could abridge its citizens’ right to free speech, even if the federal government couldn’t. The 14th Amendment guarantees that states cannot deprive Americans of “life, liberty, or property, without due process of law,” words that already appeared verbatim in the 5th Amendment (which had previously only applied to the federal government). 

It’s notable that these words keep getting repeated — almost like those “unalienable” rights of “life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness” are really important. The Reconstruction Amendments — the 13th, 14th, and 15th — weave together the threads of the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Declaration of Independence. They were a critical update, you might say, one that patched the founders’ system-destroying error of perpetuating slavery while simultaneously declaring all men to be created equal. The 14th acknowledges that states, too, can be tyrants. Whether it is George III, the feds, or the slave-holding antebellum states, the People have rights against the powerful. That is what America is about. 

Over the next 150 years, the Supreme Court began to grapple with the admittedly broad categories of life, liberty, and property (and/or pursuit of happiness). The problem is that you can’t just look up “life” and “liberty” in a dictionary and get a bulleted list of what Americans can or cannot do. But by the mid-20th century, the Supreme Court was asserting that Americans have the fundamental right to contraception. 

Since condoms aren’t mentioned in the Constitution, the legalese version gets a little complicated. In short, the “penumbra” of rights created by the 1st, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 9th Amendments, applied to the states via the 14th, implies a constitutional right to privacy. 

This seems like a lot of technical steps to get to “the state of Connecticut can’t arrest Mrs. Griswold for handing out diaphragms to women who want to have sex without getting pregnant.” But it turned out that Americans really liked not going to jail for not getting pregnant, almost as much as states loved trying to force people to give birth. Twelve years later, the court handed down Roe v. Wade — the now-overturned precedent that established the right to abortion — relying on the Griswold v. Connecticut right of privacy. 

In the decades since, right-wing jurists (who were, completely coincidentally, Catholics subscribing to strong religious proscriptions against contraception and abortion) pushed back. This whole penumbras thing was far too vibes-based, they argued. Right-wing legal theory can be mostly summarized as a backlash against vibes-based jurisprudence. It’s why you get textualism (what really matters is the words as written down) and originalism (what really matters is what the Founding Fathers thought). 

Weirdly, these objections stuck. “We’re all textualists now,” said liberal Justice Elena Kagan in 2015, referring to how common it had become to use Justice Antonin Scalia’s textualist methods in assessing laws. Meanwhile, Justice Clarence Thomas keeps a mocking sign in his office that reads, “Please don’t emanate in the penumbras.”  

Sometimes it takes a non-legal brain to see through the absolute bullshit that has taken root in the intellectual heart of American courts — bullshit so deep that judges are now turning to AI to tell them what words really mean. The Founding Fathers had some highly specific issues with George III, to be sure, but the very core tenets of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (and/or property) are pretty vibes-based stuff. These are vibes turned up to 11 in the Declaration of Independence in 1776, enshrined in the Bill of Rights in 1791, and repeated and reiterated in the Reconstruction Amendments in the late 1860s.

The Republican legal mind nickels and dimes the People on their rights, and then goes, “Is this what the founders wanted?” Conveniently, and completely coincidentally, this thinking often works against women, racial minorities, immigrants, and other undesirables. Meanwhile, when the birthright citizenship EO contradicts the plain text of the Constitution, the textualists are nowhere to be found. Kinda gives the whole game away, doesn’t it?

As a result of Donald Trump’s first term in office, the right wing of the Supreme Court gained a supermajority, one it will have for the foreseeable future. The moment this happened, the fig leaf of textualism and respect for the law fell away, and the true objective became clear: to allow the most powerful people in the country to do whatever they wanted.

When the Founding Fathers replaced their king with a new system of government, they were keen on preventing the fledgling nation from reverting back to monarchy. They did this by spreading power around as much as possible. Their first attempt mostly just distributed power among the states; this turned out not to work so well. The second attempt — the one that we presently live under — consolidated more power at the federal level, but diced it up into a tripartite system of government: Congress, the courts, and the president. The idea was that these three branches would all compete for power, keeping any one of them from becoming too powerful.

The court claimed to reshuffle the balance of power last year by overturning the long-standing doctrine of Chevron deference in Loper Bright Enterprises v. Raimondo, apparently believing that federal agencies under the executive branch — like the guys who make sure your water is clean or the guys who make it so your gym has to let you cancel your membership — had become too powerful. Knocking down Chevron deference essentially meant it was now open season on these regulatory agencies, because now it’s easier than ever to challenge their rule-making. More opportunities to pipe up and complain, you might say. Meanwhile, if the federal government is to regulate air, water, and click-to-cancel, it would be better if the legislative branch wrote actual laws.

But how do you square reducing the power of the executive branch with how Trump’s secret police are assaulting and detaining Democratic lawmakers? Rep. LaMonica McIver was indicted for “forcibly impeding and interfering with federal officers” as they arrested Newark Mayor Ras Baraka for attempting to enter a Newark detention center. Sen. Alex Padilla was wrestled to the ground and handcuffed for attempting to ask a question of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem during a press conference. New York City comptroller Brad Lander was arrested at immigration court for accompanying a migrant. The Supreme Court promised us a kneecapped administrative state. When do we get to kneecap ICE? 

Forget lawyer-brain for a minute. There’s no need to overthink this supposed tension. The Republican majority of the Supreme Court of the United States has a perfectly coherent worldview: the strong get to trample the weak. 

Fossil fuel companies, the crypto industry, and nationwide internet service providers deserve process; the asylum-seeker imprisoned at CECOT does not. A neighborhood wrecked by a hurricane, the gambling addict at rock bottom, the principle of net neutrality itself — these victims of the war on the administrative state simply do not matter. The text doesn’t matter. Constitutional balance doesn’t matter. Only power matters. (In West Virginia v. EPA, the 2021 case that led to Loper Bright, Kagan ruefully called back to her previous “we’re all textualists” remark, writing in her dissent, “It seems I was wrong. The current Court is textualist only when being so suits it.”)

The right-wing Supreme Court’s hypocrisy is not the only thing to blame for our present state of affairs. The Founding Fathers’ tripartite system of government was mostly working out until all three branches succumbed to some kind of contagious monarchism. 

But it’s clear the founders’ anti-king protocol is now failing. The executive is an egomaniac who simply does not believe in life, liberty, or due process. Congress, in the firm grip of naked ideologues and flaccid cowards, has flopped as a constitutional counterbalance, incapable of punishing Donald Trump for an actual armed insurrection on January 6th, 2021. The Supreme Court, on the other hand, hasn’t failed — it has actively accelerated the conflagration, even ruling that Trump has absolute immunity for acts on January 6th. This is what makes the court’s Republican supermajority so dangerous, so profoundly immoral. Congress might be too shortsighted, deadlocked, and weak in character to pump the brakes. But SCOTUS, an institution designed to step back and think about the big picture, knows exactly what it’s doing, and is chillingly enthusiastic.  

The current Republican Supreme Court is unlike anything the founders could have ever possibly envisioned — a partisan instrument of a destructive political force, neither a check nor a balance on an executive that is threatening to strip citizenship from opposition politicians and is commandeering the state National Guard against a state’s people over the objections of their governor. It is a root-access attack on the system itself, a virus with the ability to overwrite the founding documents of the nation.

You can call it a lot of things: right-wing radicalism, dictator envy, anti-democratic theocracy. But one thing’s clear. “Conservative” has never been more of a misnomer. The Republicans are conserving nothing: not due process, not precedent, and certainly not the truth. 

In 2006, when he was nominated to the Supreme Court, Samuel Alito told the Senate that Roe v. Wade, the case that once enshrined the right to abortion, had been decided and was “an important precedent.” Sixteen years later, he penned the majority opinion overturning Roe. Justice Alito may have been cagey in the lead-up to his confirmation, but his fellow justices were less so — Neil Gorsuch called Roe v. Wade “the law of the land” in his 2017 Senate confirmation hearings; Brett Kavanaugh supposedly told Sen. Susan Collins in a private meeting in 2018 that Roe was “settled law.” Both justices joined the opinion overturning Roe, which calls that decision “egregiously wrong from the start.”

Fair play and forthrightness are, apparently, not things we expect while appointing a judge to sit atop of the entire American legal system for the rest of their life. But setting that aside, it’s baffling that the right-wing legal establishment is seen as patient and strategic while Trump is a force of nature that might not pass the Turing test. 

As Donald Trump’s imperial presidency rolls forward across the wreckage of Congress on tank treads greased by the Supreme Court, there’s scant evidence of a legal movement for limited government or states’ rights. Trump is not the useful tool of an aggressive right-wing movement. Why look for complex explanations when there is a very simple one at hand? He is the king they serve enthusiastically, a leader whose lies and lawlessness they both enable and mirror. 

Two-thirds of the country oppose the fall of Roe; about as many reject the total presidential immunity given by Trump v. US. (You see, the Supreme Court is perfectly capable of rocking the boat: when it lets Trump do what he wants to do, it is because this is the America that the Republican justices believe in.)

What’s a red-blooded American to do when their government becomes destructive to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? The Declaration of Independence has some notes about “the Right of the People to alter or to abolish” its existing government “and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.”

But that was another time, right? Surely nobody wants to take the Founding Fathers’ original words literally. Their original meaning and original intent can’t just be superimposed on American life today, not when American values are very different from the values of 1776. In Trump’s America, the national ethos is simply a boot on your neck, forever. 

Happy Independence Day!

Elon Musk spoke at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) on Thursday, giving a strange and often inarticulate onstage interview to Newsmax presenter Rob Schmitt. Schmitt was all smiles and enthusiasm and managed to steer Musk through the half hour, never pausing to look back on the obvious logical inconsistencies, various falsehoods, and mathematical errors that littered the interview. He even did a decent job of keeping the entire timeslot from devolving into internet memes, although he couldn’t stop Musk from loudly pronouncing, “I am become meme.” Still, the CPAC crowd ate it up. 

The following is a transcript created from CPAC’s own livestream of the event. This is, I emphasize, not a parody.

Flashing lights, large screens ablaze with animated graphics reminiscent of the oughties. The CPAC logo spins around as generic rap-rock blasts across the crowd. 

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the DOGE update. Please welcome Newsmax host, Rob Schmitt. 

Schmitt: Man. That is a big crowd. And they are not here for me. 

Crowd cheers. 

Schmitt: How you guys doing? Nice vibe this month, right? After the best month we’ve ever had. Nice to see you. Thanks for coming out. It’s good to see you. Let’s not kill any more time, let’s bring out Elon Musk.

Crowd goes wild. Elon Musk enters stage, pumping both fists high in the air, walking slightly unsteadily. He is wearing a black MAGA baseball cap and sunglasses that look like they were bought in a gas station in 1989. He continues to pump his fists as he makes his way in front of the beige armchairs at the front of the stage. Rob Schmitt attempts to get his attention, but he turns and waves at the crowd. 

Schmitt: We’ve got one more surprise, in case this wasn’t enough.

Musk: Well, President, uh, President Milei has a gift for me.

Schmitt: [hamming at camera] Javier Milei from Argentina, you guys know who that is, right?

Milei, a friendly-looking figure who resembles Bilbo Baggins right before he Smeagolifies, enters the stage carrying a chainsaw. He presents the chainsaw to the billionaire, who then waves it around unsteadily. 

Musk: This… is… the chainsaw for bureaucracy. [pumps the chainsaw in the air] CHAINSAAAW! 

He takes a beat to examine the chainsaw. He is still wearing his sunglasses. He turns around and starts wandering to the other side of the stage, waving the chainsaw around.

Musk: Uwaaauwaargh! 

Milei lurks awkwardly in the background, trying to wave goodbye to Musk, before Schmitt takes notice.

Schmitt: Mr. President, thank you so much. Nice to meet you. I love it. We love it. 

Musk’s attention snaps to Milei. The two men shake hands with the Argentinian president, who then departs.

Musk: Where should we put this —

Schmitt: They want it right here. [moves the chainsaw] A little stage prop.

Crowd screams for Elon Musk.

Musk: I love you guys, too!

Schmitt: Thanks guys. Have a seat. 

The two men settle into the armchairs.

Schmitt: So, uh. Heheh. That was something.

Musk: [ineffectually suppressing grin] I am become meme. 

Schmitt chuckles obsequiously.

Musk: Yeah. Pretty much. I was living the meme. It’s just — I was living the dream, and I was living the meme, and that’s, pretty much what’s happening. 

Schmitt: It’s —

Musk: I mean, DOGE started out as a meme. Think about it! [laughs] Now it’s real!

Schmitt: [smiling affably] So —

Musk: [to audience, sunglasses still on] Isn’t that crazy!

Schmitt: It is, it is crazy.

Musk: But it’s cool. 

Schmitt: Let me ask you this. A year ago, if someone had told you you’d be at CPAC and working with the president to absolutely shred [dramatic pause] the government — the swamp — whatever you want to call it. Would you believe that? 

Musk: No. [snickers] But it’s cool! This is awesome. And I just wanna say, thanks for your support, I mean. 

Crowd cheers.

Musk: You guys are. You know. We’re, you know, we’re trying to get good things done, but also, like, you know, have a good time doing it and, uh, you know, and have, like, a sense of humor.

Crowd cheers. 

Musk: You know. So, like, I mean, the sort of the left wanted to make comedy illegal, you know, you can’t make fun of anything. So this is, like, comedy suuuuuucks. It’s like, nothing’s funny. You can’t make fun of anything. 

He waves his arms so emphatically that the large gold chain he’s wearing clanks against his mic.

Musk: It’s like, LEGALIZE COMEDY! YEEEAH! Legalize Comedy! 

Schmitt: And we’ve shifted the entire culture in just the last few months, the whole culture of this country has shifted dramatically just because of that election. 

Musk: Yeah, exactly. Freedom of speech, having fun again, it seems like we should… We should have a good time. You know?

Schmitt: I mean, it’s a great time. Everybody in this place is so excited, and I haven’t, I mean, when you talk to conservatives, everybody’s happy.

Musk: [nodding emphatically] Yeah. 

Schmitt: And everybody feels this great sense of relief, because we were going to hell for about four years. 

Musk: Yeah. 

Schmitt: It really felt bad, especially toward the end, it felt really bad. 

Musk: [still nodding] Yeah. I mean, I thought, I thought we were sort of heading for a point of no return really, you know, until, um, that’s why it was so essential that President Trump win the election and, and that there, there be a Republican majority in the House and Senate, which, thanks to you [gestures generally at CPAC audience] that, that has been accomplished. Yeah.

Schmitt: I want to ask you, one of the biggest questions I have for you is — you’ve been, you know, politically, you weren’t really on one side or the other for a long time. You were a businessman, a lot of people, they stay away from it now. You’re on a side, you’ve chosen a side. You’re sitting here in a MAGA hat. How did that happen? What was the moment? 

Musk: It’s like, you know, dark gothic MAGA. [preens over his hat, which features MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN in a blackletter typeface]

Schmitt: That’s a good one. Was there a specific moment? Was there a moment that it all changed? 

Musk: Yeah, when I realized I was a fool.

He laughs, and his chain clanks against his mic again. 

Musk: But no, I was, I guess, uh…  yeah, I mean, I’d say, I was like, politically neutral for, for quite a while. You know. You know, leaning a little Democrat. You know. [winces theatrically]

Schmitt: So then how do you go from that to this? [points at CPAC audience] 

Musk: [sigh] Well, uh, it —

Schmitt: Did they go crazy? 

Musk: [laughs] Yeah, they did — they did go crazy. I mean that whole cancel culture and, you know, trying to, trying to stop freedom of speech, and um, infringe upon, just in general, infringe upon people’s personal freedoms. You know, they just want state control, state control of what you say… They wanna, they wanna, you know, take away your guns, and the reason they wanna take away your guns, is like, so there’s nothing you can do to oppose them. So it’s sort of like, you know, I just, I just, I just like. We, we, we, we just need to restore the fundamental elements of what made America great, which is, uh, freedom and opportunity. 

Crowd cheers. 

Schmitt: We’re seeing a lot of these freedoms disappearing in the West. It’s not just about America. We’re watching, we’re all watching Europe and knowing that they’re about 50, 100 years ahead of us, right? Because they got an early start, and we’re watching how they’re devolving, and you’re trying to save it from happening here. 

Musk: I mean, in Europe, they put people in prison for memes. Yeah. You know, I’m like, that’s insane.

Schmitt: They’re collapsing. They’re a collapsing society. It feels that way. 

Musk: It…  feels…  like… 

Schmitt: France was nicer 50 years ago than this.

Musk: Yeah. 

Schmitt: I don’t think you can question it.

Musk: Yeah. Um. so. Yeah. So. Yeah. I mean. Really. 

He appears to be trying to start a sentence. Eventually he breaks down laughing. Someone in the crowd cheers, he turns to them. 

Musk: Yeah, I love you too! I mean. I really, I really, I really just want to do useful things, like, you know, basically build products, you know, provide products and services that are that are good and I wasn’t really that interested in being political. It, just, like, there was a certain point, no choice. Yeah. So, yeah. 

Schmitt: Can I ask you — on the same side of that coin — what’s it like going from neutral to being vilified, largely vilified by the media? I think you’re —

Musk: What? No. Really? HANHHANHHHAHA!

Schmitt: I mean, turn on some of these channels, brother. I mean, they’re angry at you. Does it bother you at all? 

Musk: I mean, were they chanting for my death? I suppose that’s a little, you know… like, the song’s not even that gooooood. And it’s like, it’s like, you call that a death chant? [wriggles torso while seated] That’s noooothing, pleeease.

Schmitt: They’ve been singing a lot lately. There’s a lot of music lately. It’s not good music either. Yeah, yeah. I would say that they’re, you know, watching what you’re doing with DOGE is just that — people love it. 

Crowd cheers.

Schmitt: I mean, I’ve always looked at the government and… I’ve always looked at the government. I’ve seen this big machine that, and you just know that they waste because they don’t care. Nobody could. There’s more money coming. They don’t care. You’re cutting all this out. Everybody in this country knows that the government is full of waste, fraud, and abuse, and you’re doing the work, and the Americans love it. Watching their reaction politically to this, I can’t believe how bad they are responding to this. I don’t know how you’re going to sit there and scream and complain because they’re cutting waste out of the government and try to win another election. How do you try to win on that? 

Musk: Well, at this point, I’m like, I’m not sure how much of the left is even real. 

Schmitt: Like, how much was propped up by our money? 

Musk: Yeah, you see, like, these, these sort of fake rallies with hardly any people and the media will, like, frame it, [making a rectangle with his fingers] and like, you know, get all six people you know, in the frame, but it’s like, nobody else is there, like, just, it doesn’t have popular support, um. But there’s, but then, but then you learn that, like, there’s hundreds of billions of dollars going to these so-called NGOs, and that, and it’s your tax dollars that are funding things that are fundamentally anti-American.

Schmitt: And they’re propping up their narrative. A lot of that government money has been propping up a left that I don’t think is, I don’t think is as strong as they made it seem. 

Musk: In fact, a massive amount of your tax dollars is going to legacy media companies, directly from the from, from the government. 

Schmitt: The government wants to take over media. 

Crowd boos. 

Musk: Yeah, it’s terrible. 

Schmitt: Yeah, that’s why we have X.

Musk: Yeah! And that’s —

Schmitt: That’s why you spent $44 billion — I mean, there’s a lot of money. More than it was probably worth, but it had, there was a message.

Musk: Freedom is priceless. [nods sagely as crowd goes wild]

Schmitt: Probably one of the most important investments this country’s ever seen. If you gotta protect the First Amendment, it’s not much more important than that. 

Musk: Yeah. I mean, I got a lot of criticism, and people, people, said, well, that proves he’s a huge idiot from a, you know, like, look, he bought it for like whatever, $44 billion and now it’s worth, like, eight cents. 

Schmitt: And it’s not worth eight cents!

Musk: You know, there’s that, but, but yeah, it was essentially to, you know, buy….  freedom… of expression. And —

Schmitt: Once’s that’s gone it’s all over, all over, yeah, tyranny is really quick after that. 

Musk: Yeah. I mean, like, you know. All the sort of federal money going to media companies is what, what helps explain why the legacy media all says the same thing at the same time. Yeah, like, isn’t it, like, it’s like, weird, like, you put them up with, like, you know, like, when…

Schmitt: [jumping in] They’re mouthpieces for…

Musk: For the state! Yes.

The billionaire, who owns a social media platform, and is supposedly also a federal official, nods.

Schmitt: That’s what we’ve come to know. Yeah, scary. 

Musk: Yeah. I like the theme with it, where, where, where, because they’re always saying, like, threat to our democracy, threat to our democracy, but if you just replaced democracy with bureaucracy…. It makes a lot of sense.

Schmitt: Makes perfect sense. 

Musk: [smirking] Big threat to the bureaucracy. 

Schmitt: That’s exactly right. Let’s talk about, let’s talk about these DOGE dividend checks that everybody’s talking about this week. And I know you tweeted out that you’re gonna because [turns to audience] Does everybody want, like, a $5,000 check in the mail? That sounds kind of good, right? 

Crowd cheers.

Schmitt: And the best part about it would be knowing where it came from, that that’s five grand that you sent them last year. 

Musk: Totally, it’s money that’s taken away from, from things that are destructive to the country, that and from organizations that hate you, to you. That’s awesome. 

Schmitt: Does it seem like —

Musk: I mean that’s like, glorious. [laughs] The spoils of battle, you know? 

Schmitt: Is there traction on that? 

Musk: Yeah, yeah. So yeah. [inaudible] …the president. He’s supportive of that. And so it sounds like, you know, that’s something we’re going to do. So as we’re finding savings, that’s going to translate directly to reductions in tax. Yeah. 

Crowd cheers.

Schmitt: I mean, I think they fired 6,000 people at the IRS today, and I think, they said last night that they’re talking about shutting down the IRS.

Crowd cheers even more.

Schmitt: I think it’s fair. I think people should realize this is, I mean, the amount of money that we said we send Washington, like five or six trillion a year, that is such an ungodly amount of money. I mean, like, a trillion seconds, is like 30 years or something like that. I mean, that’s how much we send them. And they seem to never have enough. There must be a lot you can cut. 

Musk: No, absolutely. People ask me, What’s the most surprising thing that you’ve encountered when you go to DC? You know, we’re in DC. And I said, well, the most surprising thing is the scale of the expenditures, and actually, uh, how easy it is to with a just, just when you add caring and competence, where there was absent before you can actually save billions of dollars sometimes in, in an hour. Yeah, like, it’s wild. 

Schmitt: And then they scoff at it and say, oh, a few billion here there. I mean, the way they’re talking about it, they, you can see they don’t care. It’s so it’s such little money compared to how much they’re used to wasting. That’s what’s really scary. 

Musk: Um, yeah, no, exactly. But obviously it’s, it’s, it just shows that they really lack empathy for the average taxpayer who’s working hard, paying, paying taxes, and then, and then they say, oh, a million dollars doesn’t matter. I’m like, I think it matters a lot to people you know. So what are you talking about? 

Schmitt: I’d like to have it. Let me ask you a question. You know, I know the President fairly well. Watched him survive two assassination attempts. The second, had the first one not happened, the second one would have gotten him, because without those extra guys, they would have never seen that gun poking through the fence at the golf course. 

Musk: Isn’t it mind blowing that this has happened? I mean, and just and what? By the way, why do we still know nothing about that guy in Butler, what’s going on? But uh Kash is gonna get to the bottom of it! Yeah! Woo! [pumps arms, but only about halfway up]

Schmitt: Just a couple hours ago, I saw that the security detail that you had come in with is enormous. 

Musk: It’s not that enormous, maybe it should be bigger. 

Schmitt: It might. I think you could probably afford it. But, I mean, how concerned are you about your safety? I mean, it’s you. Are you? You are a wanted man. Are you? Are you? 

Musk: So I look, I’m open to ideas for improving security. I have to tell you. Like I don’t actually have a death wish. I think. But, you know, it’s not that easy. So, yeah, I mean, but I have like that, even like people like President Bukele from El Salvador, who managed to put in prison like a 100,000, like, murderous thugs. And he was like, he called me. He’s like, I’m worried about your security. I’m like, YOU’RE worried about my security? Okay, you know. I mean, yeah.

Schmitt: Talk about guts to do that down there. 

Musk: I mean, yeah, totally. 

Schmitt: And then survive. 

Musk: Like, I’m like, I was like, how did you put all those thugs in prison without dying, because things like that would have been not easy. You know.

Schmitt: Well, there’s the President, as one of his top attorneys is now investigating, I guess Chuck Schumer, for threats against SCOTUS. Congress, on the Democrats’ side, for saying, you know, basically saying he’s gonna bring a war to you, like a fight to you. I mean, the rhetoric… you guys are screwing with things that are not supposed to be messed with. 

Musk: We’re fighting [inaudible]

Schmitt: — a lot of people that really don’t want that to happen. 

Musk: We’re fighting Matrix big time here. It has got to be done. 

Schmitt: Yeah, and it certainly does. [brushing over the Matrix reference] What’s going on with — tell us about Fort Knox. Kentucky. It’s a military base. It’s a ton of gold, tons and tons and tons.

Musk: 5,000 tons of gold, something.

Schmitt: 5,000 are there in the ground and like this. I mean, it’s a very secure thing.

Musk: I think we all want to see it. 

Schmitt: I’d love to see it like this. 

Musk: This is your gold, by the way. It’s the public’s gold. 

Schmitt: Do you think it’s not there?

Musk: I don’t know, but I think I just want to see it. Yeah, we want to go see it and just make sure. Like, make sure, like, did somebody spray paint some lead or something, you know, yeah, like, is this real gold? You might have to bite the bar. You know. But I think, honestly, you know, part of this also is just like, let’s, you know, let’s have some fun. And, you know, like, like, I said, this, all this gold at Fort Knox. It’s the public’s gold. It’s your gold. So, like, I think you have, like, a right to see it.

Schmitt: And take a tour.

Musk: Yeah, I think we should have a — do a — do a tour. And the President last night was like, that’s, I think he’s in favor of it. That would be cool. And then we, like, it should be like a live tour, like, you’ll see what’s going on, open the door, [gestures dramatically] like, what’s behind it, well, and there’s, you know, I think I’d watch that. Yeah.

Crowd goes wild.

Schmitt: I mean, what is, what is 5,000 tons of is it? Is it the size of this —

Musk: Gotta be pretty big, you know. It’s gotta be a lot of other stuff in there, like, around, like, I don’t even… got some other stuff in there. 

Schmitt: Are you thinking about auditing the Federal Reserve as well, which is obviously —

Musk: [laughs, shrugs] Yeah, sure.

Schmitt: — regulatory economy. I imagine you think the waste has got to be everywhere. 

Musk: Yeah, no, waste. Waste is pretty much everywhere. People ask, like, how can you find waste? And, like, in DC, I’m like, look, it’s like being in a room, and this target, the wall, the roofs and the floor are all targets. So it’s like, you’re gonna close your eyes and go shoot in any direction [laughs] you can’t miss, you know. So it’s, it’s pretty wild, like, like, you just push on things a little bit, and you save billions of dollars, like, just a little bit, you know, it’s wild.

Schmitt: Scary, isn’t it? 

Musk: It’s why I say like, it really is underrated, if you add caring and competence, how much things improve. Yeah, and, you know, and we just find so many totally crazy things, which, you know, obviously we’re sharing with the public. We post everything we learn, you know, just you know, so you can see it, you know. 

Schmitt: What do you —

Musk: It’s like, isn’t it? Like, it’s totally wild. Like, we did just, we just did, like, a check on the database on Social Security. Like, says, how many, a lot Americans, alive Americans eligible for Social Security, are there? And according to the database, it’s over 400 million. And we’re like, wait a second, and how many are you again? Yeah. And then, like, we found, like, one person in there is, like, 306 years old. I’m like, [inaudible from crosstalk] I mean, yeah, you know this, America doesn’t exist before at that time. Like, so, why? So, you know, maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s a red flag. I don’t know.

Schmitt: But are there indications that there were checks going to those people, or any of those people? 

Musk opens his mouth and pauses.

Musk: Well… yeeeeah. 

Schmitt: I guess that’s the question.

Musk: That’s…

Schmitt: I get the Social Security Administration is dumb, but are they paying these people? Are they that dumb? I don’t know. 

Musk: A bunch of money is going out from the Social Security Administration, and, in fact, from all entitlement programs.

Schmitt: $72 billion in waste in like seven years. It’s $10 billion a year. 

Musk: Well, I think the rough estimate from General — Government Accountability offices, there’s over $500 billion in 40 years. 

Schmitt: [leans in] Sorry, five?

Musk: [enunciating] Five hundred bill-i-on.

Schmitt: Over how long?

Musk: Per year, per year.

Schmitt: On Social Security?

Musk: No, no, on all, on all —

Schmitt: On all government?

Musk: On all entitlements, all entitlements. Yeah, it sort of actually makes sense. When you look at the thing from a top level and say, like, okay, there’s $7 trillion of spending by the government. What percentage do you think is fraudulent? Okay, exactly like a conservative estimate of the $7 trillion would be 10 percent. Conservative. 

Schmitt: Probably higher than that, yeah, exactly like a quarter every dollar, right? 

Musk: But if the fraud is only 10 percent of $7 trillion, you’ve got $700 billion of fraud, and by the way, so it’s like, really easy to take advantage of the federal government. Very easy.

The billionaire federal contractor nods knowingly.

Schmitt: Look at COVID! Look at all these scams! I mean, it’s unbelievable! 

Musk: It looks like, for, in terms of covid payments, yeah, there was something like $200 billion of covid payment fraud taken by fraudsters out of the country. That’s like, I think, listen, if there’s going to be fraud, it should at least be domestic so, you know. But they managed to get $200 billion out of the country. I’m like, what! Why didn’t we notice that? 

Schmitt: Let me ask you, let’s do immigration here for a second. You know, there’s this move now that Trump’s latest thing is that he cut, he’s going to cut funding any kind of money that ends up in the hands of illegal immigrants. So if you’re funding these sanctuary cities and states, that’s how they thrive, right? They’re paying for these hotels. That’s all federal money. If you got a hotel in your city in New York, you got all these hotels full of migrants. That’s not state money. That’s the feds are covering that, he’s going to cut all that. It’s really hard to deport 15 million people. And it seems like the move now is, let’s make it so that they leave on their own. If there’s no longer a dole system for them, if they can’t get their hands on hotel rooms and money, they’re going to go back, especially if there’s no work. 

Musk: Well, I think it’s really important for people to understand that the Biden administration sent any possible money that they could, they could, if there was money they could send to facilitate and amplify illegal immigration, they sent it. Okay. They took money from FEMA meant for helping Americans in distress, and sent that money to luxury hotels for illegal immigrants in New York. That is an outrage. 

Loud booing.

Musk: They actually did that, and not only that, even after the President signed an executive order saying it has to stop, the FEMA, the whatever deep state bureaucrats still pressed send on $80 million last week to go to the Roosevelt Hotel in New York and other places last week. And now, and now, they’re mad that they’ve got stopped, and they’re like trying to sue to have it be restored. It’s like, the gumption.

Schmitt: You think they’re creating a new voter class? You think that was the goal? When they opened up the borders for four years, create a new voter class, get them citizenship, get them in. 

Musk: Yeah, a lot of these things like, you don’t actually have to assume some grand conspiracy. You just need to look at basic incentives. So if the incentives, fundamentally, if the probability that an illegal is going to vote Democrat at some point, whether it’s cheating, but eventually they can become citizens. But if probability is like 80, 90 percent just look at California, which is super majority Dem. And then the incentive is to maximize the number of illegals in the country. That is why the Biden administration was pushing to get as many illegals as possible and spend every dollar possible to get as many. Because every one of them is a customer. Everyone is a voter. So the whole thing was a giant voter importation scam. 

Schmitt: Pretty obvious.

Musk: Very obvious. And then, moreover, then, they actually created the CBP One border app thing where they were, which is, like, where they could, they would literally fly people in. It’s not like, like, at the point at which you know, people being flown in at your expense —

Schmitt: Sending planes —

Musk: Like building a wall up doesn’t work. 

Schmitt: They’re literally flying them in. No other country in the world would do something like this. Nobody is this stupid. 

Musk: Yeah. And then we found that there was, like $100 million contract given to some guy in London, actually, while, you know, yeah, well, the CBP One app. So, so then, so they’re flying illegals into the swing states. And if you’ve got like, a margin of victory of maybe 20,000 people, and you fly 200,000 illegals into that state, it’s not gonna be a swing state for long. 

Schmitt: Change the numbers. Maybe in four, eight years.

Musk: Exactly.

Schmitt: It’s a long game. It’s just a matter of time. 

Musk: So it might take, like, a year for an asylum seeker to get on the green card and five years for the citizenship, it’s an investment that is guaranteed to pay off. It’s just a question of when.

Schmitt: They all remember who brought them in and who left them here.

Musk: Exactly, exactly. I want to go back. I want to talk about my big deal like, I think a lot of people like, don’t quite appreciate that this was an actual, real scam at scale to tilt the scales of democracy in America.

Crowd claps, cheers.

Schmitt: Treason. 

Musk: Treason. 

Schmitt: One more Biden question. I remember when, you know, when they would do the electric car stuff, they would always try to box you out, even though you have the only electric car anybody wants. 

Musk: Yeah.

Schmitt: You said, I think this week that you think that Biden left these astronauts up in space because he didn’t want to give you an opportunity to save them. Make NASA look bad, make the private sector look better, make you look good. You believe that? 

Musk: Yeah, no, absolutely. So, of course.

Schmitt: I kind of agree. Why would he want to let you help them come down when you’re supporting the president? 

Musk: The Biden administration was, was attacking me next level. I mean, the Department of Justice — or Injustice, under the Biden administration — was, I mean, they were suing SpaceX. They’re suing SpaceX for not hiring asylum seekers. And we’re like, but it’s actually illegal for us to hire asylum seekers because we’re… rocket technology is covered under ITAR rules, which that means it’s an advanced weapons technology, yeah. And so we can only hire permanent residents or green card or citizens, right? Like, so we’re damned if we do, damned if we don’t. We said like, so how can they sue us for not hiring asylum seekers when it’s actually illegal for us to do so. But nonetheless, there was a big Department of Justice or Injustice case about this against SpaceX, so obviously it was an antagonistic situation, and those astronauts were supposed to be up there for eight days, and now they’re up for eight months. Does that make any sense? And we, we, we, obviously could have brought them back sooner, but they didn’t want anyone who could support President Trump to look good. Basically.

Schmitt: Yeah.

Musk: That’s the, that’s the that’s the issue. 

Schmitt: A lot of them are saying right now that the reason that you want to get into Social Security, that you want to get into all of these different — into Treasury and things like that, is that you’re looking for personal information and you’re trying to make more money. 

Musk: Yeah.

Schmitt: I’ve never met anybody as rich as you that cared less about money in my life. Every time I hear a story about you, you’re sleeping on a couch of some other guy in a city that you could buy the entire thing. I don’t think you care about money, dude.

Musk: I mean, I, I, I. [laughs] Listen, like if I steal Social Security, I can finally buy nice things. Yeah?

Schmitt: And on that same question, they’re also talking about, you guys are going to end Social Security, you’re going to end Medicare, you’re going to end these things. I don’t imagine that conversation has been had with the President, and that’s that’s the plan. 

Musk: No, in fact, the actions that we’re taking with the support of the President and the support of the agencies, is, what will save Medicare? What will save Social Security? 

Crowd cheers.

Musk: And and, because if the country goes insolvent, if all, if all the money is just spent on paying interest on debt, there’s no money left for anything. Yeah, so that’s, that’s the reason I’m doing this, is because I looked at the big picture here, and it’s like, man, our debt’s getting out of control. The interest payments, interest on the national debt now exceeds the entire defense department budget. 

Schmitt: A trillion a year. In interest, just to carry the money that we owe, is a trillion a year. 

Musk: Yes.

Schmitt: Unbelievable.

Musk: Rising rapidly. So like, I mean, a country’s no different from a person. Country overspends, country goes bankrupt. Same with, same as a person who overspends goes bankrupt. So it’s not like optional to solve these things. It’s essential. 

Schmitt: So we’re gonna go bankrupt. 

Musk: Yes.

Schmitt: We are.

Crowd claps.

Schmitt: Couple minutes left here. Russia, there’s a huge push —

Musk: Oh, yeah, yeah. People like, sort of like, the end, like, yeah, you know, I’m a, I’m a bought asset of Putin, yeah, I’m like, he can’t afford me. 

Schmitt: Yeah, I think, I think you’re worth more than Russia.

Musk: [mugging at crowd] Think about it! [giggles]

Schmitt: So you’re trying to end, you’re trying to end a war. Ending a war always means you have to compromise. You have to negotiate with an enemy or an adversary. That’s just what it is. And right now, they are lambasting the president for trying a different method to war that they haven’t been able to end for three and a half years. Three years. Yeah, they, you know, they’re saying Trump’s blaming Zelensky for the invasion. How do you, how do you process all of the negativity toward him for trying to end this war? 

Musk: Well, first of all, I think we should have empathy for the people dying at the front lines. That’s the most important thing. If people have been dying, you know, like, how many more years is this supposed to go on? And imagine if that was your son, your father, you know, what are they dying for? What exactly are they dying for? That line has, the line of engagement has barely moved for two years. There’s a whole bunch of people dead in trenches for what. And I’ll tell you what for, what it’s like for the biggest graft machine that I’ve ever seen in my life, that’s for what. It’s unreal, like the amount of money that is being taken in graft and bribery is disgusting. And so what’s actually happening is that those, those you know, people, those poor guys, are getting sent into a meat grinder for money. That’s what’s actually going on. And needs to stop. 

Schmitt: Trump is so pragmatic on this. He just, he’s just looking at it, and he’s saying it’s Ukraine, it’s not our country, it’s not a NATO ally. I just want to see people not dying. I want to see, on both sides,  I mean, think about how many young — so many young men have died in Ukraine that the army is starting to age out. The military is aging out. You get 40 and 50 year old guys fighting in a war because there’s nobody left that’s not killed or maimed in their 20s. That’s the reality. Think about how many people that is, if you’re a humanitarian at all, you just got to end the war, like, no matter what, just get it over with. 

Musk: Yes, people, they need to stop dying and the graft machines got to stop, you know, so, and I think people that don’t, a lot of people out there don’t realize, like, the president has a lot of empathy. He really cares. You know, he’s good, he’s a good man. 

Crowd claps.

Schmitt: I got one more for you. I’ve been fascinated by you for a very long time. 

Musk: Thanks. 

Schmitt: I’ve just, I just, I’ve never seen anybody that can, you know, do so many things at the same time. I mean, you’ve got the rockets, you got the cars. I’ve always wanted to ask you, what is it like inside your mind, like, this, is it just 1,000 miles an hour? I mean, are you —

Musk: Yeah.

Schmitt: Is it just not? I mean, just, does it ever stop? Do you sleep? How much do you sleep? Paint us a picture of inside of the mind of a genius? Like, how do you… can you answer that question? It’s not an easy question. 

Musk: I mean…

He pauses. He is still wearing the sunglasses, having never taken them off this entire time. 

Musk: My mind is a storm. So. It’s a storm.

He pauses again.

Musk: But, but, I mean, let me maybe tell you something like, you didn’t ask the question, but, but I think it’s worth nonetheless, maybe just elaborating on something, which is, you know, I grew up in South Africa and… but my morality was informed by America. I read comic books, you know, played Dungeons & Dragons.

Very small section of crowd cheers. 

Musk: And I watched American TV shows and, like, it seemed like America cared about being the good guys, you know, about doing the right thing and, and that’s actually pretty unusual, by the way. [laughs] 

Schmitt: In the world, it’s very unusual. Yeah, it’s not like, actually, countries don’t do that. 

Musk: No, they don’t, no. And so I was like, Yeah, you know, you want to be this good. You want to be on the side of good. You want to care about what’s right. And, and uh, yeah. So that’s, that’s, yeah, what I believe in.

Audience member screams that they love him. 

Schmitt: I gave you, I gave you a tough one at the end. 

Musk: Yeah.

Schmitt: So yeah, that’s great. That’s great. [to crowd] Elon Musk. 

Crowd goes wild. The camera zooms out, showing a standing ovation.

Musk: All right. 

Schmitt: Thank you. Thank you so much. Appreciate you.

Elon Musk recommences wandering back and forth across the stage, waving the chainsaw. He pauses; an odd rectangular shape is bobbing through the crowd. It floats up towards Musk, he grabs it. It appears to be a very large fan art painting of Musk himself. He grabs the painting with one hand and the chainsaw with the other.

Musk: Thanks, guys!

They exit the stage.

On Tuesday night, President Donald Trump issued a pardon to Ross Ulbricht, who ran the dark web marketplace Silk Road under the pseudonym “Dread Pirate Roberts.” Ulbricht has been serving a life sentence without parole since 2015, when he was convicted of multiple charges, including the distribution of narcotics.

The Silk Road marketplace, which was only accessible through the Tor network, became one of the most prevalent early commercial uses of Bitcoin. Buyers and sellers traded in illicit drugs, forged passports, and more.

In the intervening years, Ulbricht became a cause celebrè for a certain segment of the right-wing, particularly in the crypto crowd that embraced Trump last year. To his supporters, Ulbricht’s life sentence is unusually punitive. Similar offenses have garnered much more lenient sentences — for instance, Blake Benthall, who operated Silk Road 2.0, was sentenced to time served and three years of probation. Ulbricht’s lieutenant, Thomas Clark, also known as “Variety Jones,” was sentenced to 20 years in prison last year.

Although the criminal offenses were nonviolent in nature, the judge who sentenced Ulbricht took into account multiple deaths attributable to drugs bought through the Silk Road.

Throughout his trial, Ulbricht denied that he had committed the crimes at issue. Because law enforcement had arrested him with his laptop open, they had access to all his files, which included the code of the website, private messages between him and employees of the Silk Road, and a diary whose entries corresponded to OKCupid messages tied to Ross Ulbricht’s real identity.